Imagine your college-aged child calling you on a Friday night, telling you he’d been drinking and asking for a ride home.
While this may stir up some mixed emotions, the initial feeling would probably be one of pride that he was responsible enough to make the call, and that you’d developed the kind of trusting relationship that would have him calling upon you in this situation.
Relationships of trust like with this our kids don’t happen overnight. They take a lifetime to develop, and can be shattered in a big moment, or a series of small moments over time.
Just about everything we do weighs one way of the other on the trust scale, so it’s important to be aware of all of our actions and how they might unwittingly affect this crucial part of our relationship with our child.
From our side of the fence, it’s easy for the trust factor to get off to an innocently bad start.
Kids inherently want to please their parents. When they’re young, a “white lie” to avoid our disapproval is common and often dismissed as not a big deal.
And while you do have to keep it in perspective, it’s important to end even the white lies while your child is young and before they develop into a pattern of increasingly more important lies.
The most obvious part of a trusting relationship is honesty. Today we’ll look at six more areas that can help you build a relationship of trust with your child from the moment he’s born.
1. Spoil Your Baby
One of the biggest myths out there is that a baby becomes “spoiled” if you show her too much attention.
On the contrary, responding to your baby’s cries is the first step to building a trusting relationship.
When your child is a baby, you are responsible for meeting 100% of her needs. Whether she’s hungry, wet, uncomfortable, in pain, or simply bored, pick your baby up when she cries.
Maybe you’ve missed this stage and didn’t get it perfect? No worries, just concentrate on meeting your child’s needs and helping her to learn to meet her own needs as that becomes age-appropriate.
Always respond to your child with love, and let her know in all situations, no matter what’s happening or how bad it seems, you love her.
2. Seek and Value Your Child’s Opinion
Making your child feel like he matters will go a long way in establishing trust.
As much as we’re on the go, we often have few opportunities to talk with our children. Be conscious about creating such opportunities.
Whether it’s in your head that you commit to talking with him for 10 minutes every day after school, or it’s a more formalized family meeting every weekend, focus on communicating with your child every day.
Ask his opinion on things, and even if it can’t always go his way, explain why you chose a different route.
The important think is to have open communication and give your child choices whenever possible.
3. Keep Your Word
As a parent, it’s often tempting to pacify your child for the moment by making a promise for the future.
It can be something as simple as, “No, we don’t have time to get ice cream today, we’ll do that next week.” Before you say that, stop to consider whether you can and want to realistically schedule that in for next week, because kids have a sharp memory for things like that!
You don’t want your child justifiably declaring that you always promise “later” and consistently fail to deliver.
It’s best to avoid making promises unless you’re 100% sure you can keep them, which can be tricky when you have the type of schedule most families operate with.
If you need to put something off, be more general about when you’ll get to it. And if you say you’re going to do something, do it.
Back to the point about communication, there will be times you can’t do it, despite your best intentions. Take a moment and explain why it didn’t work out and commit to making up for it.
4. Establish Consistency and Routines
This one is a good complement to keeping your word. The more you have routines and consistency in your child’s life, the more she’ll be able to trust what’s going to happen throughout the day, or in any given situation.
Every day doesn’t have to look the same, but having a good morning and evening routine is helpful.
You can also have routines for how things are done. For example, when you say, “Let’s get ready to leave,” that may mean clean up your toys, put on your shoes, let the dog out, whatever . . .
Establishing consistent patterns of behavior and actions is the foundation for a trusting relationship as your kids get older and things get more complicated.
5. Don’t Involve Your Child in Your Lies
You know you’ve told a lie that “didn’t really matter” before. We do this without thinking as adults. We like to refer to these little lies as “excuses” oftentimes.
But when your child hears you tell a friend on the phone you’re too sick to meet for lunch today, and in fact you’re not sick, that sends him a message that you’re a person he can’t trust.
How does he know your next words to him will be truthful?
And certainly never try to save a buck by getting your child to represent himself as being a younger age so he can get into an event or restaurant for a cheaper price. It’s not worth the dollars you’ll save, and kids don’t have the ability to determine which lies are “harmless.”
Of course, sometimes it’s okay, if not even better, to lie. Your best friend already got that new haircut she loves. No reason to tell her how much you hate it when she asks.
As your child gets older, you can help him learn about the “good lie” but he’s going to need to be pretty mature to understand the difference.
6. Own Your Mistakes
As you’ve undoubtedly figured out, you’re going to make mistakes.
Instead of trying to hide them, gloss over them, or makes excuses for them, fess up and apologize.
Letting your child see that you were wrong and took responsibility for it helps her trust in your word and your decisions, knowing that you’ll own it if you’ve done the wrong thing.
It also makes you a good role model for your child, encouraging her to be honest and accountable when she makes mistakes.
Trust is the Cornerstone of a Good Relationship
Building trust with your child is a key factor in establishing a solid life-long relationship with her. If she knows she can trust you, even when she is angry or upset with your decisions, she will still respect you and know, at least on some level, that this too shall pass.
Not only will trust be the foundation for a positive relationship between you and your child, but it will help her develop other solid relationships with spouses, partners, co-workers, and friends.
If you’ve found value in this post, make sure to connect with Kids Party Characters on Facebook, where we share daily updates on the magic we bring to children’s parties, as well as our best tips and strategies for raising happy and healthy kids.
And when it’s time for your next party, head to KidsPartyCharacters.com, where we have over 200 of the most popular characters waiting to become the special guest at your child’s party. We also have packages that include party favorites such as cotton candy, face painting, and balloon twisting.
Can’t find a Kids Party Characters in your area? Considering starting your own! Owner Cheryl Jacobs has a great opportunity for moms that want to work from home and experience the joys of having a children’s entertainment business.
No experience is necessary, as Cheryl offers step-by-step training and all the resources you’ll need to get started. Get the details and set up a free call with Cheryl right here to get all your questions answered.
No comments:
Post a Comment