Having children that are old enough to take care of themselves is at the same time a big relief and a source of great stress.
Yes, it frees up a lot of time when your child is able to walk to school or the store or a friend’s house by herself and you get to retire from being a full time taxi driver.
But, especially at first, we often find ourselves as moms spending that extra time worrying about whether they got there or looking at our phones wondering why they haven’t texted us yet.
To make things even trickier, we don’t want our kids to live in fear.
On the one hand, we need them to know there are bad people out there who might try to hurt you or take you.
On the other hand, we don’t want them to walk around in fear all the time, wondering if it’s going to happen to them today.
The sad reality of the day is, we have to explain a little more of the real world to them than we want to.
At What Age Should I Have “The Talk” With My Child?
Again, it’s going to have to happen earlier than we want it to.
When your child starts doing anything without you, she needs to be prepared for an ill-intended adult to come along.
So if you’re dropping her off at the mall with friends, if she’s walking anywhere alone, if she’s staying home alone, it’s time to have a safety talk.
How to Prepare Your Child Without Scaring Him
This is the hardest part, how to give the right information without saying too much, in a way that he’ll know it’s serious but not have nightmares or anxiety over it.
Start by explaining to your child that millions of kids walk around alone all day every day and never have a bad experience.
Tell him chances are great that he’ll go through life without encountering an adult who wants to hurt him in any way.
But, tell him that because even the small possibility of it happening is so serious, you want to prepare him for it because kids who are prepared for the worst have the best outcome.
In other words, if he’s prepared for it, the chances of someone successfully taking him or hurting him in some way go down even further.
Explain to him that just like you prepare at school with fire and intruder drills, (and hopefully you’ve never had the real thing at your school!), you’re going to prepare for rare but scary possibilities in life outside of school.
When he knows this is simply a way to keep him safe, and not a sign that he’s going to be placed in an unsafe situation, hopefully it will reduce the tension around the subject.
What to Say to Your Child to Keep Her Safe
You may think some of this is obvious, but your child needs to hear it, even if her response is a bored look and an, “I know mom!”
As humans, when we’re in a stressful situation sometimes our common sense can freeze up.
So make sure even the most obvious is drilled into your children so their reactions will be automatic.
Teach your child her name, address, and phone number as soon as she’s able to remember it.
1. When She’s Home Alone
Keep the doors locked and don’t answer them when you’re home alone.
If someone comes to the door, just move away from any window or point of visibility and wait for them to leave.
If they trying talking to you through the door, do not respond and do not believe any reason they may try to give you for coming to the door.
If you feel threatened or scared at any time, call me.
If someone is ever trying to turn the knob or get into the house in any way, dial 9-1-1 immediately.
2. When She’s Walking Alone
As a parent, you need to think about what you want to equip your child with while walking.
Some kids/parents may feel most comfortable if their child has a key ring with a whistle attached to it.
Most kids have cell phones at a very young age these days, and even if you see the lack of necessity there, you may want to get your child a simple flip phone (doesn’t have to be a smart phone) so she can call you if she ever feels uncomfortable, or 9-1-1 if she thinks she’s in danger.
Here’s what you’ll want to tell her about walking alone:
Avoid walking alone whenever you can. Try to walk as far as possible with a friend, or even just in sight of another child or group of people you don’t know.
When you are walking alone, avoid shortcuts and stay on main, well-traveled streets as much as possible.
Never approach a car that stops and asks you anything.
If you can answer the question from where you are, quickly do so and move on. Don’t engage in conversation with someone in a car. Tell the person you need to go and keep walking.
If someone ever tries to touch you or grab you, scream as loud as you possibly can. Kick, fight, make the most commotion possible, no matter what they’re telling you.
Noise draws attention and is the number one way you’ll escape a potential abductor.
Don’t be afraid of feeling like a “baby.” If you’re uncomfortable for any reason, call me or a friend and we’ll talk you to your destination.
3. When She’s Anywhere Without a Responsible Adult
Again, as the parent, stress the “don’t go down without a fight” mentality.
If someone tries to grab you, keep screaming, yelling, resisting, and fighting, no matter what the person is saying to you.
Run or move towards the most populated or public place there is if you feel in danger or actually are.
For younger kids, if you get lost in a mall or similar setting, seek out the closest store clerk and ask for help. Stay put until your parent or adult is found.
Don’t assume just any stranger will help when you’re lost, most will, but you have a guarantee you won’t get abducted or hurt by a store clerk who’s at her job.
Never be afraid to call me because you think I’ll be mad at you.
Even if you’re someplace you shouldn't be, doing something you don’t have permission to do, or with someone you shouldn’t be with, if you feel uncomfortable, call me.
Your safety is my number one concern and we’ll sort out any wrongdoing on your part after you’re safe.
“Better safe than sorry” is a worn out phrase because it’s true.
It’s better to sound a false alarm than to get in a troublesome situation that could have been avoided by running away, screaming, or making a phone call.
Tips For Parents
One of the biggest things you can do to keep your children safe is establish open and trusting lines of communication from an early age.
This ensures your child won’t hesitate to contact you when he feels unsafe.
It also reduces the risk of your child becoming the victim of a predator who may stalk your child and try to gain his trust over time for unsavory reasons.
Pay attention to what your child does and take notice of any adults who seem to be paying special attention to your child or who are popping up in your child’s life repeatedly without specific cause.
If open communication is established, your child is more likely to tell you if an adult is making him uncomfortable.
Stress to your child to always tell you if another adult asks him to keep a secret or not tell you about something.
Reassure your child that it’s okay to be rude to any adult that’s making him feel uncomfortable.
Monitor your child’s internet usage, and keep computers in central, well-traveled locations in the house.
As your child gets a little older, consider having him take a safety course at a local martial arts studio. Most places offer a special one-time or series of classes specifically designed to teach children (and adults) simple but effective moves for getting away from would-be abductors.
End on a Positive Note
Making these conversations serious but not scary can be the trickiest part of it.
End by reassuring your child that we all know a lot of things we never have to use and you’re sure this will be one of those things for her.
Let her know that just having conversations about safety goes a long ways towards making her safer and that’s why you do it.
Answer her questions and fears truthfully, but without giving more information than needed for her age.
Bring up some good memories and fun, safe times she’s had if you have a child who has some anxiety around this topic.
And of course here at Kids Party Characters, we’re happy to help you when the time comes to create those fun memories.
Book your child’s next party at KidsPartyCharacters.com and your child will have over 200 characters to choose from as her special party guest.
Her character will put on a fun and interactive show for your child and her guests, and we’ll bring along all the extras like face painting, balloon twisting, and cotton candy if you’d like.
For more tips on raising happy and healthy kids, as well as updates on all the magic we create at Kids Party Characters, connect with us on Facebook for daily updates.
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