One of the best quotes ever for parents to keep top of mind comes from John Lennon, who said:
When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life.
In the hustle of childhood it’s easy to get lost in all the pressures to get good grades, make the soccer team, and hang out with the “cool” kids.
It’s easy to lose focus on what we really want for our kids, which is for them to be happy.
And while certainly that’s their goal too, they aren’t able to understand what it takes, or what it really means, like we are.
For some kids, getting the “A” is what it takes, for others it’s having the right group of friends ask them to go to the movies, and often it’s about making the right sports team.
And for most kids, it’s about having the latest iPhone, Xbox, or $300 pair of Yeezys.
As parents, our common sense and experience tell us that none of this is what happiness is all about. And not surprisingly, research supports the idea that it’s the intangibles that will truly result in happy kids, and adults.
So put down your wallet, take a breath if your child brings home a “C,” and try giving her these 10 things if your end goal is happiness.
1. Your Happiness
This is probably the most important of all, and most overlooked thing that will make your child happy.
Kids take so many clues from us that we don’t even realize. And if you’re not happy, your child’s chances of being happy are slim.
So don’t think of self-care as a selfish thing that should be last on your list, behind meeting the needs of your kids.
Your self-care is one of the biggest needs your child has. Get yourself happy, and his happiness will follow.
2. Your Time
The good news here is that the amount of time parents spend with their kids is actually increasing, although the latest numbers appear to come from 2002, and one has to wonder what our ever-increasing obsession with technology is currently doing to those numbers.
Even if we assume the best, the latest research shows parents spending between 60 and 104 minutes a day with their kids, on average.
This is not a number to be proud of.
Schedule time with your kids the same as you would schedule any other meeting or appointment, and then actually do things with them.
Play board games, wrestle, go for a walk, read a book, clean out a closet together. Whatever it is, be conscious about dedicating time for shared experiences and open communication.
3. Your Honesty
There’s two parts to this one. Kids need you to be honest with them in an age-appropriate way, and they need to see you living honestly.
First, being honest with your kids. This means answering the uncomfortable questions they ask, and giving them critical feedback when appropriate.
Learning how to take criticism and use it for good is a skill.
It’s your job to teach your child that criticism and correction don’t mean he’s bad or a failure. They’re opportunities for growth and they prepare him for the real world and keep him from being crushed when hurtful criticism comes from a colleague, friend, or boss.
The second part of this one, living honestly, requires that you think before you lie in front of your kids.
As adults, we know it’s okay to lie sometimes. It’s even best to lie sometimes.
But kids don’t have the ability to separate a good lie from a bad one. So when they hear you on the phone cancelling a commitment because you’re “sick” and they know you aren’t, it sends the wrong message.
Of course as they get older, they need to learn when a lie to protect someone’s feelings is the best option, for example, but be conscious about lying in front of your kids, and take time to teach them the value of a “white lie” as they get older.
4. Your Encouragement
Praise your child’s effort, not her ability.
It’s easy to praise the winning team or an “A” performance, but that’s not when your child needs praise and encouragement.
She needs it when she’s trying and failing, or maybe when she’s afraid to try at all, or falls just short of a goal.
Your words will make the difference in whether she learns to always get back up in life, or to stay down when she falls, and will do wonders for shaping her self-confidence.
5. Your Optimism
There’s a reason we’ve all heard the glass half full analogy. And it’s because it’s true.
Research supports the idea that those who look at life as though the glass were half full rather than half empty are happier.
This is another one to be conscious of. Many of us have fallen into negative thought patterns, especially when we’re going through challenging times.
When you’re making comments to or in the presence of your child are you focusing on the negative, on what could go wrong, on how hard life is?
Or are you optimistic, looking for the gift in every situation, and verbalizing what could go right?
Remember, your kids are listening and mimicking you.
6. Your Control
Sometimes in a misguided attempt to make our kids happy, we let them do things we know we probably shouldn’t do. And we justify it with “reasons.”
But ultimately, this isn’t going to make your kids happier. They need you to be the bad guy, to make the decisions their still-growing brains can’t make.
You’re not doing them any favors by letting them stay up all night every weekend. They’d be able to enjoy the hours they were awake over the weekend much more if they were well-rested.
And perhaps most importantly, no matter how many hours a day their friends spend in front of a screen, and despite the fact that Xbox is the best and cheapest babysitter you’ve ever had, you’ve got to control how much time your kids play video games, watch TV, and do whatever it is they do on their phones.
Kids with less screen time are happier kids, which should be a matter of common sense, but there is research to back it up if you need it.
7. Your Positive Relationships
We’re back again to you being a positive role model for your kids, which is a common theme when it comes to their happiness.
One thing that most all of the research on happiness shows is that it’s relationships, not stuff, that make people happy.
It’s important that you give your child the gift of knowing how to build good relationships. And the way you do this is by letting her watch you have loving, respectful, trusting relationships with others.
Whether it’s a spouse, partner, friend, or work colleague is irrelevant. The important thing is for your kids to see you having positive relationships, and to hear you talking about the benefits and joys of those relationships.
What it Really Takes
It’s not that hard to make your kids happy. It doesn’t require a lot of money, or even a lot of time.
What it does take is the right attitude in your own life, a little planning, and the willingness to be conscious of the things you do and say not only to your kids, but any time they’re in your presence.
If you’ve gotten value from this post, make sure to join Kids Party Characters on Facebook for daily updates on the magic we bring to children’s parties, as well as our best tips for working from home and raising happy and healthy kids.
And if you want to make your child extra-happy on his birthday, head over to KidsPartyCharacters.com and book your next party with us. With over 250 costumes to choose from, as well as all the kids’ favorites like cotton candy, face painting, balloon twisting, and bouncy castles, we’ve got the perfect party for your birthday boy or girl.
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