There’s a troubling activity happening with regularity in our schools, and it’s starting in the elementary schools.
Across the county, school-sponsored meetings about dealing with your child’s anxiety are becoming a common occurrence.
The impetus behind such meetings is the fact that an increasing number of our kids are reporting feeling anxious, stressed out, and depressed.
The carefree days of childhood are, for many, being replaced with emotions that are suppose to show themselves as side effects of adulting.
The causes of all the stress and anxiety our children are facing are varied and complex.
But much of it comes down to the fact that the world just moves too fast, and the amount of pressure and expectations we place on our children to keep up is causing them to experience overwhelm and making them feel inadequate.
As parents, we play a huge role in helping our children eliminate persistent feelings of stress and anxiety.
Today we’ll look at five things we can do to help restore "happy and carefree" as our child’s primary emotions.
Stop Over-Scheduling
Over-Scheduling is usually the result of a misguided effort to be a good mom.
We want our child to experience every opportunity she can in life so we fill her day (and night) with activities that will aid her learning and give her more life experiences.
When kids are young, they often feel like they want to do everything, so we sign them up for music and soccer and basketball and art because we don’t want to deprive them of pursuing their dreams and having a full childhood.
The problem is, their days become filled with expectations from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed.
Do well in school, get to your after school activity and do well there (mom’s paying a lot of money for that you know), come home and successfully complete your homework, eat a good dinner, and get to bed on time so you won’t be tired when you have to get up and do it all again tomorrow.
Another reason we over-schedule is so we won’t have to try to navigate the common “I’m bored” refrain that creeps in especially once school is out.
In reality, “I’m bored” is something you should wish upon your child every day.
It’s these times when her creativity is put to the test and she’ll come up with some of the best things to do.
Being bored ignites your child’s creativity and imagination, and at the same time gives her a chance to just take a breath and notice a unique cloud in the sky, a pretty flower, or a new tree to climb.
Being bored also sets the stage for your child to discover what she really enjoys and what she’s good at.
Maybe she’ll go paint a picture, write a song, make up a dance, or a hundred other things that could launch her into a life-long hobby or even career.
One of the best ways to reduce your child’s anxiety is to reduce the number of things written on the calendar.
It may feel at first as if you’re depriving your child, but it’s actually the best gift you can give her.
Praise Effort, Not Results
This is especially true in sports, but really applies to everything your child does.
Rather than telling him he did a good job, and offering extra praise when he “wins,” praise the effort he puts in.
Things like “I can tell you worked really hard on that picture,” and “You really hustled after the ball today,” let your child know that he’s good enough in whatever he does.
When you only praise the formal victories, it puts too much pressure on your child to always “win,” whatever that looks like, and takes the joy out of participating in the activity for fun, and just enjoying the process rather than the outcome.
You may still be bitter that your team lost the little league softball championships, but resist the urge to expect your child to bring it home for you with her team.
Schedule Down Time
In other words, force your child to be bored, for all the reasons we talked about above.
Don’t just wait for these lulls in life to happen, because they don’t happen naturally anymore.
We have to schedule “do nothing” the same as we schedule voice lessons.
Your child will discover what she likes to do during these times.
And what she does may vary depending on her mood, the weather, what else is happening that day.
You can help your child by suggesting some nice down time activities like going on a walk, listening to music, meditating, or doing some yoga.
Be a Good Role Model
When we look at how stressed out and over-scheduled our own lives are, it’s no wonder our kids have become such a mess.
It’s harder as adults because we have more responsibilities, but really, we owe it to our children and to ourselves to model a simpler life for them.
Let them see you practicing self care and taking breaks where you do nothing.
Don’t be afraid to put your needs before theirs at times, and let them know you love them, but you need to make sure you’re feeling happy and relaxed too.
Show them that it’s okay to have ice cream for dinner once in awhile, because some days are too hectic for cooking and just call for treating yourself to something special.
Talk to Your Children
We often give our children too much space.
This happens because we’re busy, and/or because we want to be the cool parent who doesn’t smother her child.
From the time they can talk, we should be checking in with how our children are.
This doesn’t have to be in the form of “How are you?” because too often the answer will be “fine.”
But if you’ll express an interest in what they’re doing and how they’re feeling from the time they are very young, sharing with you will just be a habit for your kids.
Not to say they won’t go through times when they hate you or have nothing to say to you, but if talking to you about things of substance is a daily thing for them, they’ll be much more likely to turn to you when there’s trouble.
Go in their room, notice how they dress, know who they’re texting with all night . . . pay close attention so you can spot changes that are the early warning signs of depression or that something in their life is going in the wrong direction.
Getting Back to Kids Being Kids
Resist the temptation to think you don’t have to worry about these things yet because your child is still young.
Remember, it’s a trend for grade school children to be reporting feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression.
Make a conscious effort to ensure that when your child looks back, he’ll use words like happy, carefree, and fun to describe his childhood.
The five things we’ve talked about today will go a long ways towards creating such memories for your child.
And of course, a KidsPartyCharacters.com party is a memory every child deserves to have, and one that will last a lifetime for her and her guests.
When it’s time to plan your child’s next party, head to KidsPartyCharacters.com and check out the 200 plus characters we have waiting to put on a show at your house, along with all the extras kids love like cotton candy, face painting, and balloon twisting.
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