If there’s one problem even the most perfect families, the closest families, and the “best” parents haven’t figured out how to solve, it’s sibling rivalry.
If you have more than one child, there’s going to be trouble between them, and probably sooner rather than later.
And when you think about it, it does make sense.
Your first child is the center of your universe.
You shower all your attention on her and do everything just right.
But when baby number two comes along, her world is rocked.
It’s not just that you now have to split your attentions 50/50. This new little creature requires so much of mom’s time it’s more like a 90/10 split.
So even if the older child or children love the new baby from day one, there’s also an automatic battle for attention that will go on for years to come.
Yes, the arguments against just having one child are solid, but there will inevitably be days when you begin to understand why that woman you heard about on the news locked her kids in the closet.
How do you handle these days without losing your mind?
You start by having a long-term strategy that works to lessen sibling rivalry in your family’s everyday life.
There are four big strategies you can implement to help keep the peace when tempers start to flair.
1. Focus on Each Child’s Strengths
Figuring out each child’s strengths and interests won’t be hard.
If you’ll focus on what each child is good at and enjoys most, you’ll take the competition out of every little thing they do.
Some kids are strong athletes, some good at academics, others excel at the arts.
Some are planners, some are doers, some good at mental games, others at physical games.
Look for what your child is drawn to and resist the urge to sign everyone up for soccer because that way you only have to drive one place for practices and games.
Assign family chores and responsibilities around each child’s uniqueness.
Avoid overtly labeling your kids as the “smart one,” the “star athlete,” and things of that nature because it will stir up some jealousy.
But if you play to your kids’ strengths they’re more likely to focus on what they’re good at and enjoy, rather than trying to out-preform each other at every turn.
2. Schedule One on One Time
When it comes down to it, sibling rivalry is often about nothing more than the need for attention.
Every child wants to be the favorite, and wants to be vindicated when things happen that in his mind are “not fair.”
A good deal of sibling rivalry can be eliminated if each child knows he has some time with you alone to look forward to.
Try your best to schedule 10-15 minutes a day for each child.
This might involve reading an age-appropriate book only to the small child, doing a more complex chore with an older child, even having each child do something with you that you have to do anyway, such as fixing dinner.
Once a month, schedule an outing for you and just one child.
This can be something big like a professional sporting event for the one that loves sports, or as simple as a trip to the park where your child doesn’t have to share your attentions with the other kids.
Try to let each child pick her outing for the month, with necessary guidance to the one who wants dinner in Paris for her one-on-one time.
3. Look for Team Building Projects
Look for things your kids can work on together that will result in a happy outcome for all.
This could be a totally recreational event like playing dodgeball together at the trampoline park.
It could be constructing a pillow fort together or completing a project around the house that you’ve agreed to pay them for and put the money towards an activity they’re all interested in.
It could be a community service project, starting a family YouTube channel, or planning the next family vacation.
Your imagination and theirs is the limit here, the point is to just get them working together for a common purpose so they’ll have that positive experience to call upon internally when conflicts arise.
4. Stop Playing Referee
Part of the exhaustion of the whole sibling rivalry thing is the impossibility of us as parents effectively resolving things.
When your kids know they’re on their own, that fact alone reduces the squabbling that’s done just to get your attention.
The next few times you hear the call of, “Mom, Johnny took my toy and it’s my turn,” calmly ask them to work it out on their own.
When your kids know they can’t draw you in at any moment by the latest crisis, the conflicts will have a way of never developing and/or working themselves out quicker and without your involvement.
Embracing the Inevitable
At the end of the day, when it feels like none of the advice you’ve read works for your family in your situation, first, realize everyone feels that way some days!
And second, accept that there will always be some amount of sibling rivalry and that it can actually be healthy.
Throughout their lives, your kids will encounter conflicts.
They’ll be around unkind kids, grow up to work with people they don’t like and have bosses that aren’t fair.
If you’ve implemented strategies for minimizing and dealing with the sibling conflicts, it will prepare your kids to deal with outside conflicts that are just a part of life.
Creating Lasting Memories
Just like we talked about looking for team building projects that will create a sense of togetherness for your children, a consistent effort to make lasting memories will subconsciously help your kids have more positive reactions to one another.
When your child is faced with a conflict, and the person on the other end of that conflict is someone they’ve played at the pool with, had family picnics in the park with, discovered new creatures with during a nature hike, their positive experiences with that other child will help them resolve the conflict in a more loving manner.
Think about this as an adult. When someone does something that upsets us, we’re much more forgiving if that person is a friend than if it’s that guy in the office you’ve never liked anyway.
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Whether it’s a birthday celebration or a “just because” celebration of family, Kids Party Characters has over 200 characters your children can invite to the party, along with packages that include face painting, balloon twisting, and cotton candy.
And when you put the party in our hands, you can sit back and enjoy with the kids as our professional entertainers put on a show that will leave your children talking about it for years to come.
Connect with Kids Party Characters on Facebook too, where you’ll see party updates as well as learn our best parenting strategies for raising happy and healthy kids.
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