Should I Help With My Child's Homework?

If you haven’t faced the question yet, it’s an inevitable one that comes with no clear cut, one size fits all answer: Should I help with my child’s homework?

Maybe, and it depends, are the honest answers, and the impossibility of coming up with one “right” solution is certainly what makes the question such a common one.

When thinking about what answer’s right for your child, there are two preliminary considerations:

First, how do you feel about homework?

Some parents fully support any amount of homework their child brings home and believe it’s an important extension of her schooling.

Others don’t support homework at all, believing that after school time should be time for family and extra curricular activities.

Many parents fall in between these two views.

For the homework believers, the focus will be on making sure their child fully understands, completes, and learns from the homework.

For the nonbelievers, the goal will be to just get it done as quick as possible to meet the requirements of the teacher.

The second consideration is, how does your child usually do homework?

Is she an independent self-starter who doesn’t really mind doing homework and is usually able to complete it, with occasional assistance?

Or does she always struggle and complain, and oftentimes appear not to be able to easily complete what’s expected?

In the first instance, most parents will have less concern over having to help their child from time to time.

Against this backdrop of your philosophies surrounding homework, combined with your child’s homework habits, here’s a framework for considering if and when you should give your child help, and what that help might look like.

Provide Strategies for Homework Success

Rather than sitting down with your child and prompting him to the right answers, you may want to just help him learn skills that not only will help with homework, but with many aspects of life as a student and beyond.

For example, you may help him learn organizational skills by looking at the homework he has for the night and mapping out what order he’ll do it in, how he’ll approach it, and how long to spend on something when he gets stuck.

You might help him overcome procrastination by setting a timer for 20 minutes to get one subject done, then a 10 minute break, then another 20 minute session.

For longer projects that might take days or weeks to complete, you can help him learn time management by setting out a schedule of what he’ll do on the project each day and how much time he’ll spend.

Meet Your Child Where He Is

Don’t just expect that every child will be able to complete all of her homework every night.

This has nothing to do with how “smart” your child is, different kids learn differently and bring different strengths and weaknesses to the table.

If your child has any kind of diagnosis, such as ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, et cetera, make room for how this might effect how she does her homework and how much she can realistically do.

Even if it falls short of a diagnosis, if you see something in your child that’s really effecting her ability to get all of her work done every night, respect that it’s probably more than just laziness or obstinance and make an alternate plan.

Maybe a child with ADD or ADD tendencies would take three hours to do what other kids could accomplish in one.

Three hours of homework a night is an unreasonable request for a child, and you’ll need to meet with her teachers and make an alternative plan for how much she can handle.

Depending on what unique needs she may have, it might make all the difference in the world to her success if you give her a certain amount of help.

Collect Enough Information to Identify Problems

Whatever your gut feelings are about whether to help your child (and you should trust your gut for the most part), you should be involved enough in your child’s homework to identify whether any problems stick out that need to be brought to the teachers’ attention.

Don’t wait until his first report card comes out or the teacher calls and says she hasn’t had an assignment turned in for three weeks.

Don’t overly rely on the teachers to police your child’s homework behaviors.

Teachers are overworked and often have too many students.

Many schools have parent portals online, and maybe your involvement doesn’t need to be anything more than checking in there and seeing that his assignments are marked complete.

But usually it’s a good idea to just check in with your child, show some natural interest in what he’s doing, have him show you how he answers a few homework problems.

If you have any concerns, whether it’s that he’s spending too much time on homework, he’s constantly frustrated, he often doesn’t understand what he’s doing, or you’re just noticing that he’s often come up with wrong or incomplete answers, it’s time to step in and advocate for him.

This doesn’t mean breathing down his neck and constantly monitoring him and pressuring him about homework.

It simply means be involved enough to spot problems that are concerning you to the point that they make your trusty gut feel the need to step in.

Your child is likely growing up in the blink of an eye, but he still needs you to advocate for him if there’s any hint that things aren’t going well.

Don’t be afraid to contact teachers with your concerns and work towards a solution with them.

Homework Shouldn’t be Miserable

Pay attention to how homework time usually goes at your house.

If you find that your child is often complaining and even crying over any homework issue, it’s time to step in.

Whether she says there’s too much, she doesn’t understand it, or it’s just a constant struggle to get her to sit down and do it, none of these scenarios are okay.

Talk with her about what issues she’s having and tell her you’re going to find a way to make this doable. 

Then talk to her teachers, especially the ones giving the homework that’s creating her misery.

Sure it’s normal for kids to grumble a little about doing homework. 

Maybe with your encouragement and a little assistance, you can figure out a system that allows for a pleasant atmosphere during homework time, at least on most nights.

If having you by her side or checking in with her occasionally is all it takes, that level of homework assistance is likely acceptable to most parents.

If you can’t seem to win the battle of the homework, then again, it’s time to go to the teachers and figure out what’s causing the problems.

Don’t be shy about engaging your child’s teachers. They often see behaviors and trends that you don’t see at home and that may surprise you and help you resolve some of the problems.

Also, don’t feel like you’re stuck with whatever the teachers are giving as homework. 

Most teachers are willing to work with you to solve any consistent problems homework is causing. If they aren’t, go up to the next level for help.

The One Thing You Shouldn’t Do

When it comes to your child’s homework, there is one rule that is pretty unequivocal.

Never help with your child’s homework, or do his homework for him, because you want him to appear successful and get a good grade in his class.

Even if it seems like a good idea at the moment, it can never turn out well.

First of all, teachers universally report that they can tell when a child’s home work is really the parent’s doing.

Second of all, you’re not going to be able to carry the weight for your child throughout all of his schooling.

He’s going to have to know the material for quizzes and tests, and to advance to the next level in some instances.

Furthermore, studies show that reviewing your child’s homework every night may actually result in him scoring lower on standardized tests that can be crucial for college admissions.

Researchers theorize that this effect may result from parents not understanding, or forgetting, the materials they’re trying to help their children with.

So however involved you decide to become, just remember to check yourself, and make sure your efforts aren’t a misguided attempt to make your child look smart or get good grades.

One thing you can do for your child, which will always be helpful and appreciated,

is book his next party through KidsPartyCharacters.com.

When the work is done and it’s time to celebrate, Kids Party Characters has you covered.

With over 200 of the most popular characters to choose from, and extras such as cotton candy, balloon twisting, and face painting, your child can put together the party that’s perfect for him at KidsPartyCharacters.com.

Be sure to join us on Facebook for tips and strategies for raising happy and healthy kids, 

as well as an inside look at the magic we create at children’s parties.